Whenever I find out the solution to a problem, I became over excited about it that I go on pursuing other things, forgetting that perhaps remembering the hard-earned result is much more efficient than conquering new territories in the boundless domain of conscienable knowledge. But today I will make an explicit effort commit things to memory.
Whenever I feel uncomfortable, rejected, or alienable around someone, the first instinct that comes to mind is usually the most passive. I am an outlier, inviable under the rubric of this new generation, or more pessimistically, in the entire evolutionary history of human society. And once in a while I struck for changes. I have probably become very good at them. Not to change the environment, but inner metamorphosis per se. Not too surprisingly, if you are a good psychologist, I became even more uncomfortable. Well, from my problem-solving experience, if nothing (quite possible since my memory is so rusted after repeated fallowing at the expense of other "more glorious" intellectual pursuit), I have learned that if an approach has defied ruthless attempts, then it should be abandoned or you will be. So why not change the point of view, and simply state axiomatically that the others are simply beasts who operate under a different set of rules? That answer at least sounds very satisfying. Of course I was often thwarted by the apparent clashing with the so-called majority rule, but majority is transient, and at best illusory. To put a lot of weight on it merely shows how easily bewitched one is. I have been somehow convinced that being so studious all my life, pleasurable distractions have zero effect on me, hence I need to purposively effectuate them sometime to experience the other half of humanity. But what if I am just totally wrong? I could never tell how hypocritical I am, whether it is a qualifer of my soul, my id, my ego, my superego, or whatever else that may be ersatz for the simple term myself. But I do manipulate within all the time, and it has habitually vitiated my proactivity and naturalness. Who has taught me that I do not remember, but maybe everything stems from a sort of ingenious sloth, a way to avoid work under the label that I am a workaholic. So manipulation, whether in its religious sense, or merely quotidian practice, is an evil thing. One should release his libido until he is aware of imminent legality. Thus to be self-asserting, the fact that I am God made me a stand-out individual who would not, and need not reconcile with other species who happen to occupy the same space that I am.
Life thusly turnly favorably towards me. One danger that rapid westernization poses to society is the lack of better ways to live. By better I mean aside from lechery and tippling. The obsession with certain external stimulant and all the social foreplay around it has always been a fulsome sociological phenomena. They surely got a lot of creativity, but would be nice to put it to better use. I want to conclude my drifting and perhaps offensive prose with the remark that one should never spend more than 4 hours continuously on a single problem, math or what not.