I argued with my dad about the value of magazine subscription.  In the end he convinced me that they are all garbages. I guess I am too weak minded these days, after the conditioning by hw and other mind numbing tasks for two weeks. But then I noticed how reluctant I am to get out after I hang out with my dad yesterday. The body developed a natural resistance to change after that pampering experience of complete dependence. Alas a robot needs to remind me of the best course of action at any given point in time for me not to fall back into a slumbering position in life.
   A friend suggested to me that she is not going to get married because of the naturally born vices in men, such as greed for money and sex. I retorted by saying money isn’t particularly men’s main source of greed. Then she presented her view of what I would call potential theory in society, i.e., the more successful a man gets, the less likely he would stay faithful. I countered by citing religiously faithful examples of western couples, to which she backed off a little, recalling her ignorance on those people. I conceded in the end that I am a speaker for the humanity.
   Things were going reasonably well with homework and other shit in the morning. I woke up effortlessly at 6, alarm not sounding due to misadjustment the day before. Going to the study lounge downstair in order to finish assignments from all three classes, I ended up staying there until 1pm. What a watershed of time management I thought! But it doesn’t seem at all easy to control my tendency to let my mind wander in all kinds of directions.
   I should always be on the lookout for possible signs of depression. Just like the US economy, to a person a major depression due to lack of social momentum could cause massive intellectual failure. Nobody wants that to happen.
   A random thought just occurred to me: I am the type of person who strives to please everyone around me. If even one person harbors (a word I have been searching internally forever! what a moment of serendipidy) ill thought against me, and as long as I believe such seeds of thought exist, I would be unhappy and unable to perform up to my highest standards. I ascribed such atrocious fate to the nature of my work, which to a large part consists of verifying every single detail of derivation steps, since they are crucial to an ad hoc re-derivation on the spot. Thus I leave no brick unturned on the path of my life.

About aquazorcarson

math PhD at Stanford, studying probability
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