I woke up today feeling totally awesome. Yesterday I slept until 8 and it wasn’t what I intended. Sure enough, my brain wasn’t so premium during that day. I zoned out during a technical conversation with a classmate on the research of some statistical mechanics subject. But I guess I was totally pissed off by the library fine in the afternoon that I didn’t even bother mentioning the less consequential stuff. But this morning it felt the opposite. The morning chill kept my brain frozen, despite a clear consciousness that drifted beneath the layer of frigidity.
So I chose to take a morning nap from 9:40 to 10:10. But the drowsiness probably resulted from a prior instance, when I spent two hours working on a hopeless homework problem from probability that didn’t get me anywhere (later I found out I made a calculation mistake, something to be sneered upon). So I might as well devote the earliest waking period of each day to more fluid tasks, such as reading. Yes reading! Man it’s such a cozy position to stay in bed and read. Before breakfast, your brain is already feasting. But maybe I should change the scene to library? Libraries are usually warmer than home, and by going to a warmer place, I might get conditioned to have the urge of getting out of my room every morning, despite the coldness and unwillingness to see people (which kind of disposition I unfortunately developed over the years, beginning with the reading of Louis Cha’s infamous fourteen series, culminating in one summer when I just read some advanced college physics text in bed every day).
Alas, I always feel somewhat threatened by time constraint when I read textbooks in the middle of school. I feel insecure spending a lot of time just reading, and thereby developed a lack of trust on my memory skill, since I don’t believe I could actually absorb the information in books as well as I would like. On the other hand more apparently productive things like doing homework, working on projects, etc seem to take higher priority over the more basic functions of learning. Somehow my personality doesn’t fit into the classroom setting very well. I need to start putting more faith in my potential for personal growth.