from “Remember that september” to “Memory of the February”

  As my title suggests, today I will ramble about nothing consequential again. By the way the first is actually the first line of a pop song, whereas the second one was purely made up; of course song lyrics were made up too.
  Another friend of mine has declared the 25th anniversary of his holy birth, namely been born an aquarius.We cherish the same heroic venture of the childhood. It seems I am better suited to Chinese roommates after all, because there is always the understanding that when we talk in English, it’s a matter of practicing a foreign tongue, and it innocuates the awkwardness of silence, or ineffective emotional delivery. 
  I have been increasingly drawn to dead ends in my career, which consists chiefly of pen and paper, desk and chair, and perhaps a nice air-conditioned room filled with caffeinated air and lactose free milk (these were supposed to regulate sleep cycles). But waking up to the sunrise is an awesome venture, and a tribute to nature. Indeed more than 8 hours of sleep kills brain cell, and fosters not only sloth, but weakness of character. It is during the day however that I must manage to find the correct path to enlightenment.
  Problem solving has been a nuissance since very early on, but when I turned my page into probability, and other more "technical" math, the grievance has almost escalated to eternal moaning. The tradeoff from geometry and other fancier stuff is that I get a more down-to-earth feeling, I know I am not goofing around with big concepts, I will make progress if I could secure a good memory, and I can perhaps put the knowledge into practice in some remote future. It is always healthy to remind myself what Prof. Dembo reminded us at the end of his class last quarter, "by the end of the three quarters of probability sequence, we would have achieved the level of research probabilist". This contrasts dramatically with his reputably brutal homework assignment, characterized by exponential increase in difficulty and sometimes quantity.
   One has to learn to balance curiosity with logistics, personal resource logistics that is. Time is always in desparate need, but the more one tries to freeze it, the less he could make good use of it. When time runs like sand slipping through your hand, it might be time to tighten it and focus on something easier to grasp. And in fact it’s hard to measure when one should quit a hopeless project and embark on a new one, since if the first one was abandoned too readily, one might acquire a general habit of surrenderism, not a good sign when concentration is profusely needed. I could only imagine some external force that dictates what the brain should think about during any given stretch of  time, to manipuate it from within is too precarious, and almost always results in superficial understanding of the material at hand.
   My deep apology for the lack of focus in this article.

About aquazorcarson

math PhD at Stanford, studying probability
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