family log

The reason to record familial fights is usually discouraged by relationship counsellors, and I am fully aware of the consequence of remembering only the bad images of other family members. But given my parents’ decade old bitter fighting history, it is only prudent to record their recent behavior to avoid repeating history itself.

我妈今天说,如果有一条船上有妈妈和媳妇,我肯定把妈妈先推下去。这种命题本身就是极其错误的。我只听说过老婆问这种问题。My dad and mom are both 搅屎棍。They blame everything on my wife and her mother. I am in a strange situation where I need to expose as much error of myself to convince them that errors are mostly due to mine, or at least shared between us, and more due to bad luck. For instance, they blame the kid’s eczema to my wife, who they claim withheld information during our courtship, in order to get married. They then blame the kid’s herpes on my wife’s mother, who indeed had it since early 20s but was nowhere near the kid a month and a half before the first infection. They also claim my wife has it because she “obviously” got it from her mother. These are the more reasonable accusations they have made over the past few days. Now comes the worst part, complete balloonies that I can’t help but record here, just in case I forget in the future. Their own intra-marital fight is so contagious it’s 10 times worse than herpes.

First I revealed that my in-law paid 50 grand towards our house down-payment, whereas they didn’t pay anything (which was understood). This made them furious. Conspiracy theory ensued immediately: my in-law was trying to buy me favor in order to alienate me from my parents, and that they could have done that equally well. My wife of course was upset sometimes for the ostentatious injustice, but never escalated it to the point of familial war. So you get the point. Basically there is no f way for my wife and her mother to “redeem” themselves in front of my parents. Given that they hold such a negative opinion of them, they would interpret everything to their argumentative advantage. Now all this concoction of false evidence and rabid reasoning ultimate came from my father’s resentment of my wife. My mother, as far as I can tell, merely fell victim to his hallucination, even though between the two of them fights are continuously waged since my early childhood, and never got better, because both are extremely raucous and belligerent, willing to shed blood and brain in order to win an uncivilized argument or destroy the other party, highly reminiscent of Maoist art of war. From day one my father disliked my wife, perhaps because she robbed him of his beloved son, and more importantly because she is not 100% obedient. Given my father’s ability to twist things left and right, my wife’s strategy has usually been complete silence. She had it good with her own father as well, who broke up with her and her mother long ago and since had 2 more unsuccessful marriages. And she at least knew well that an open fight with my dad would compromise our marriage. My dad on the other does not give her any break. Again it’s this attitude of “live or dead, I want you physically succumbed under my will”, that reeks the ancient monarchical atrocity of 重耳 to 介子推 and his mother. The story went as follows: during the long march from political persecution, 介子推 sliced his own thigh flesh to feed the exiled King 重耳, then later on when the King resumed his power, he wanted 介子推 back. After the latter refused, the King burned the mountain where 推 and his mother lived, essentially giving them the death sentence. The story doesn’t exactly fit the situation here, but the imperial willfulness and egocentricity is shockingly similar to what happens with my family.


About aquazorcarson

math PhD at Stanford, studying probability
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